The Season of Autopilot (and How I’m Pivoting)
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
Our lives are lived in seasons. In some, we’re most aligned with our goals, values, and selves. Others, we feel distant, disconnected from everything we once held close. In this season, we’re still able to function. It’s the moment autopilot kicks into high gear. We’re getting through our days fine—a few are even good.
But deep within, we know something is off.
Work may be more chaotic than usual, or family is nitpicking every decision. We get annoyed by whatever crosses our paths. Creativity goes stagnant, the well runs dry. When we’re in these seasons, they can feel endless, like anything we do to return to a season of alignment fails.
If any of this resonated with you, I share your frustration. I know what you’re going through because I’m currently in one of those, what I like to call, “Zombie Seasons.”
Things in my life have fallen out of alignment lately. Autopilot gets me through the day, and while I’m at work on my memoir revisions, I sense a dry spell in other creative pursuits.
Work’s taken a major twist, and my efforts to find something new have included polite rejections and silence. I’ve since begun doubling down, as the current situation is not something I wish to be associated with any longer. For my own sanity and morals, it’s time.
I’ve signed up with a staffing agency and I’m putting feelers out to my network. Every morning, I walk through the doors and think, “Counting down the days.”
In the midst of all this, the basics are still being met. I’m taking care of my body (yoga, hydration, sleep, food) and mind (meditation, journaling, therapy). But what does that mean in a Zombie Season?
It means I’m ensuring survival. Yes, that sounds dramatic as fuck, and maybe it is. But in past Zombie Seasons, I’ve let those basics slip, leading to a longer recovery period. Always do your best to focus on the basics, my friend, in whatever season you find yourself. It may not seem important at the moment, but in retrospect, you’ll be glad you did.
Now, about that pivot…
All this said, to get myself realigned, I’ll be making some changes, most noticeably on this platform. I’ve been posting consistently every week for a few months now, and while I’ve loved sharing my words—even more grateful every time you’ve commented on or shared them—I’ll be showing up a little less going forward.
I still plan to read, like, and share the amazing pieces others are putting out there. My Kindle is stuffed with over 200 😮 posts to read, and more are always being added to my Saved tag.
The change correlates to my posting rhythm. Rather than weekly posts, you’ll see two posts a month, maybe three, maybe one. It will depend on what’s going on during that time. I have a few pieces I’ve started and want to see through, so this adjustment doesn’t mean I won’t post at all. I’ll simply be posting more sporadically.
Substack will take a way, way back position, allowing me to focus on two goals: revising my memoir and finding a new job.
They are the driver (memoir) and passenger (new job). The back seat includes two goals/projects that, while important, will have to wait until the first two are complete.
One of them is preparing to draft a horror story that’s been put on the back burner for too long and now demands to be told. I know this because I’ve been hearing a lot of songs and seeing a lot of symbolism relating to the general concept. When the muse reveals her intent, I listen.
I’ve also been meaning to build my portfolio of short stories and personal essays. You could argue that a few Substack pieces are personal essays, of which I agree, but I want to create some for potential publication elsewhere.
I thank the many writers who’ve shared their beautiful work on this platform because it’s inspired me greatly to dive back into these genres I haven’t touched in years.
Down the road, I plan to share some here, though I need to reacquaint myself with their structure and feel before I have the confidence to do that.
My goal has always been to share my words with those who need them. But I’ve also been the type of person who puts my needs first when I’m drowning, and this is that moment.
This publication is called “Simply Writing,” and that’s what I need to do: write. Not for an audience right now, but for me. For the editor waiting for my memoir revisions. For the creative child whom I feel I’ve lost connection with. For the belief in my words again.
It’s funny. Many of you have commented on my work, shared it on your own feed, and reached out to me personally. It's fulfilling to know my words affect others, but it's hard to feel my work truly matters based on that alone. This is especially true in a Zombie Season when my mind and I don’t tend to get along all that often.
I’ve been writing since I was seven years old. Being a writer is all I’ve ever known or wanted, but confidence wanes. It ebbs and flows, and imposter syndrome is a common ailment for creatives. It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey. And for those who have endless bouts of confidence, keep it there as best as you can, and tell me your secrets. 😜
My confidence has faded over the past few months, which is partly why this pivot is taking place. I’ve always known when realignment needs to take center stage. This post isn’t to draw pity or sympathy. I’m writing this for the sake of transparency, as I like to let my friends know where I stand in life.
And the people I’ve connected with on this platform are exactly that: friends. Some I knew beforehand, and others I found while holding space here. Those who understand, empathize, and give what sometimes feels like virtual hugs in their posts.
So while this isn’t a goodbye, it’s a “see you around.” I’ll still be lurking, liking, sharing, and reading your work while posting fresh ones every now and then. Depending on the month, as I mentioned earlier, it could be twice, three times, or once.
I look forward to when this Zombie Season reaches its end. And I hope that if you’re in the middle of your own, the breakthrough is coming. Whatever happens, don’t stop sharing your words because, as I’ve learned through this platform, they matter to someone, even if it doesn’t appear so at first.
Be well, my friends. 💜 Until next time…
If this post resonated with you in any way, please consider buying me a coffee. A little caffeine goes a long way for a writer, and I will be forever grateful for the fuel. ☕️